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Police sex

by Gert Hekma in Columns & Opinions , 01 januari 1970


Weird maybe, but cops leave me cold. Soldiers and slaves, football-players and fighters, yes, they tickle my fantasy. But cops, no tickling there. And yet it`s a small step from soldier to cop. Even tentatively putting out my feelers to a cross-breed like the military police I don`t turn a hair. American cops, English bobbies, Dutch ME`s, French mounted police, Belgian Government Police, Spanish Guarda Civil, they all do nothing for me. Latin America death squads I find repugnant.

It`s not that I find cops roaming the Amsterdam streets unappetizing. And also with their uniforms there`s nothing wrong. Maybe it all comes down to a dislike of the silly job they generally do, which makes them less attractive. Summoning people for silly offences, running in shop-lifters, chasing junkies, it doesn`t titillate me much. The same could be said of other uniformed types likes soldiers and football-players. What they do is as insignificant and often even more silly. Firing off grenades at an enemy they can`t see, dribbling after a ball while on no account scoring a goal.
From my childhood I can only remember old rancorous cops. The police sergeant in my home-town was fat and pretentious and liked nothing better than having me on toast. He stopped me once for passing with my bike on the wrong side of the road. I remember him badgering the life out of me interminably trying to make me confess this world-shaking offence. Later his successor had me on the carpet, since he suspected the wanted so-called criminal Weinreb had been sleeping in a farm us country-boys used as our home. I didn`t know a thing and also this time his tedious drivel was insufferable. I must have met the wrong police-men in my youth. It`s no different with names. As a boy I met bastards named Fritz and hated boys with that name. As an undergraduate Fritzes were suddenly attractive types and the name Fritz called up a whole new range of feelings. I might yet have to meet the right cop. Or maybe I`m just peevish since not one of them ever put me in irons and took me into the station.

A pervert`s daydreams

Let`s be honest: cops evoke everything sadists and masochists dream of. Prison cells, handcuffs, night-sticks, uniforms, prisoners, power and abuse, discipline and butch demeanour. A while ago I had the privilege of visiting a police-station in one of Amsterdam`s districts which displayed an abundant potential for a sizzling hot sexparty. There were daycells and bare cells for riotous looneys or aggressive alcoholics. A cabin for photographing criminals and a fingerprint machine. Men and women had their own armoury. The cops had horses, bikes, scooters, cross-country and regulars cars at their disposal. And handcuffs in abundance. But unfortunately also here my imagination failed and it was all a bit too realistic for me. The prisoners in their cells were pathetic little heaps of human misery. The cop giving us a tour on his crutches seemed more like a wellfare worker than a sturdy bull. At the counter white cops were talking to black chaps about the most depressing subjects. What looked like fun from the outside, from the inside appeared dreary and miserable. Since then my little nephews who were with me dislike for ever the professions of criminal and criminal hunter alike.
For me it was no different and I didn`t hanker after policemen and cells, but for open space and fresh air. With the help of our national gay oracle Gerard Reve let`s try once more to penetrate the more salacious aspects of the police force. In his world cops torture and abuse boys. Revism" is an eternal triangle of one side a boy in uniform invested with power like a soldier, county constable or policeman, on the other side a boy who needs punishment and Reve himself as the third party helping the boy to drill his victim. He chooses soldiers or policemen because they are hot, tough and unpredictable and are dressed in glorious uniforms. He doesn`t care if they`re black, white or yellow, as long as they are wearing their fetish garb and use their truncheons.

No tangible lust value

It`s a variation on Revism which finally evokes an acceptable hot image of cops for me: in the role of Reve himself. Serving a sadistic service-man who instructs them to guard or punish boys, prisoners, criminals. As assistants they might have something, but no further. I disagree with many people theat there`s not enough police-blue on the street. As far as I`m concerned it may be blue, or red, or green, or yellow, as long as it ain`t uniforms. Isn`t it a policeman`s task to limit us in our freedom? If only they were willing to gratify our sexual desires. But cops won`t hear any of that. All you might get is a beating with a nightstick even a die-hard masochist prefers none of. Or you`ll have to listen patiently to the silly stammering of a respectable policeman who knows he can`t be rude to his homosexual fellow-men, but hasn`t learned to combine friendliness with clarity.
I`ve heard there are also homosexual policemen these days. I did meet one, a most charming fellow. It`s tiresome though that you can`t tell these gay cops apart from their straight colleagues. They aren`t the least more feminine or unmanly, but they`re also not more virile. They don`t have pink stripes instead of white and they don`t wear a name tag saying gay". They are not allowed to exploit their profession sexually. It`s nice to have them, but for a pervert they have no tangible lust value whatsoever.

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